I've been to all the planets in our local heliosphere
From Mercury to Pluto (though it's now a dwarf, I hear)
Two is frightful, five is huge, and six, beyond compare
But you can shove the seventh up itself for all I care

Uranus, Uranus, your name is all that's famous
Neptune's cool, Saturn's a jewel, but you look like Uranus

  "If my planet had an aspect like yours, I'd
  blow the atmosphere and lock it's rotation
  to the dark side of the moon…"

Folks with SAD despise the place—winters run past twenty years
And with nights that long as well even the Grinch'd be close to tears
Cartographers all hate it too, no compass works there well
If they their way they had, they would consign the place to hell…

Uranus, Uranus, your name is all that's famous
No east, no west, it's such a mess, so they all say 'Kiss Uranus'.

  "Yeah, it's satellites would follow him anywhere…
  but only out of curiousity…"

A solar system MD paid a visit eons back
It seems the sun had flared a bit and things were out of whack
"An enema!" he cried, and grabbed that tube so grim and famous,
"We'll circle 'round past Neptune and then shove it in Uranus!"

Uranus, Uranus, your name is all that's famous
To take a peak at somewhere bleak, take a good look at Uranus

  "I don't think you evolved from a stellar dust ring.
  I think that's where you're heading…"

And even now when things are quiet across this ball of dirt
There's still a chance we may enhance our own demise on Earth
And if such things should come to pass and life is just too dangerous
Put your head between your knees, and with a kiss, say "Bye, Uranus!"

Uranus, Uranus, your name is all that's famous
If really pissed, we counter with "I'd rather kiss Uranus!"

Uranus, Uranus, your name is all that's famous
Let's hope our race won't take this place and blow it out Uranus!